Thursday, September 2, 2010

My Life Is Average AND The Freddie

If I weren't always on the quest for blog content, I'd submit this story to MyLifeIsAverage. Hell, I may still, you never know.

Perhaps you'll remember my reference to MLIA in the Defense Of The British Male post last month.
I have only recently discovered the wonders of this website, and, if you haven't already checked it out, not only WHAT IN RUDDY HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR, but you probably need to if the rest of this tale is going to make any sense. Just make sure you come back, 'cause it's actually pretty addictive... let's just say, I've taken to keeping it up in a window and refreshing it throughout the day.
Go on, I'll wait while you read the first few pages.
While we're waiting, here's my favorite moment from season four of The IT Crowd...

Welcome back!

Speaking of things that have been referenced in previous posts, who here remembers The Freddie?
Oh, come on. I'm sure you do.

That's jogged your memory, hasn't it?
Incidentally, my mother is now doing The Freddie. I love her.

How, you may well ask, do these things come together?
I shall tell you.

I take all of my college courses online. I've used the computer as my main mode of edu-ma-cation since sixth grade, so I'm incredibly comfortable with the format.
That being said, you have to introduce yourself (as I would assume you would have to in a real class, or something like that... I can only go by the horror stories... I mean, what I've seen on television) in a threaded discussion forum as a credit for the class, as well as respond to other folks' posts.
I put in my usual I'm-very-boring-but-have-to-do-this-anyway introduction, and scroll my way through the other I'm-boring-too-but-we-get-credit-for-this-crap posts.
I saw a post titled "THE Morten Beamish*".
I was intrigued. Naturally, I clicked it. This was what greeted me:

"My Name Is Morten As You Can See And I Am The Best Dancer In This Classroom."

There were four other posts in response to this, but the authors just didn't seem to get it. I am convinced they live in very dark little boxes, void of awesome things like string cheese and sarcasm.
I immediately went into WordPad (yes, I keep my own records of everything I do, what's your point? Mock my method, mock Tommy Jefferson, kids!), and typed up a response to this kid.
It read:

"I'll believe it when I see you do The Freddie.
By the way, if you aren't already a regular reader of, you will want to check it out. Trust me.

You must understand that, outside this blog, if I'm writing something (besides my creative ventures, of course), I sound like a lawyer. It's probably because I picked up my sister's writing style over all the years of looking over her shoulder as she typed away at the poor schmuck on the other end of her venomous vocabulary (for years, her theme song was Elton John's "The Bitch Is Back"... Elton even played it for her live, but that's another story entirely). That being said, I was very unsure as I clicked the "Post" button, and submitted this snark-arsed remark.
Imagine my surprise when, this very eve, I open up my personal class email to find this waiting for me in the inbox (marked with "low importance" next to it):

From: Beamish, Morten
To: Nastyface, Archibald Heatherington*
Subject: RE: THE Morten Beamish

I will send you a video of me doing the Freddie then:].
And I Love MLIA. Best. Website. Ever.

I feel I've accomplished something today.

Believe me, if there are any developments, I'll let you know.

In the meantime, have an awesome song from The Who.

*Names changed to protect the ignorant... I mean, innocent.
Fifty billion bonus points if you can tell me why I chose to change his name to Morten Beamish.

Is It A Subscription Box, Or Something More Sinister? (It's A Subscription Box. Maybe.)