Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Seven Titles, Seven Days In VEGAS!

We're back from holiday!

OK, our condo in Vegas didn't have Internet. Well, they had Internet, it's just a little more complicated than we want to get into here, don't you think?
Are you nodding?
I agree.

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I'm sure it sounds quite whiny, but I'm from the Internet generation, you see, so having to do without the netty-web for this long... well, let's just say, I now know what the Jonas Brothers must feel like.
ANYWAY.
Who's ready for a Vegas update?
Is your hand raised in excitement?
Are you nodding?
I don't agree.

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Here, for your pleasure and mine, the Vegas Diary...

On Saturday, we drove past some interesting sights.
We were introduced to Jeff...

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...and we paid homage to our Veterans in Searchlight, NV...

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Yeah.
We arrived in Vegas in the evening, and, after checking into our condo, we headed down to Freemont Street. Boy, has that place gone downhill! Even in the eight months since we were last there, it's really, for lack of a better term, sleazed itself up.
We stayed to watch the Tribute to The Doors show on the big screen over the street, and we also saw Don McLean's American Pie show, which was really quite enjoyable.

And then, we came back to the room, and missed our Internet.


Sunday, after a long delay in the morning, we made it to The Strip.
Our first stop was The Mirage, which means that our first stop was really the LOVE store. When we left, our pockets were lighter, but we had one of those lovely orange and yellow bags in hand.
Let's just say, I finally bought a hat.
It looks a bit like this.

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I'm told it doesn't look silly, but my personal jury is still out.

We went to the Planet Hollywood, where Bettie Page is at... I picked up a cute little dress while I was there, as well as oggled at some others.

Saw some lions at the MGM...

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...and picked up a cheesecake at Caesars...

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And then, we came back to the room, and missed our Internet.

On Monday, we were very busy little monkeys. We walked through the brand spanky new City Center, where we paid homage to The King...

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Now, if we're going to talk City Center, I've got opinions to voice.
It's very sleek, and modern, but will be totally outdated in about six months, if not sooner. The stairs in that place are incredibly steep, and only go straight up; when you look up a staircase and only see a sliver of light between them and the ceiling, it's pretty daunting.
And that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick.

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Went to New York, New York and had a sandwich at Greenburg's, then over to Paris for a pastry...

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Mmmm, pastry.


On Tuesday, we left the camera at the condo, so we don't have any pictures.
I know, I know, we could have just turned around, but we're so DAMN FAR FROM THE STRIP it would have been quite a lot of bother.
I have taken the liberty of constructing a map.

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So I shall just have to tell you about it, without illustrations, and it will be even more boring than the illustrated entries.
Stop screaming!
We visited The Palazzo/Venetian, where we saw scenes from an opera (sorry, can't remember what it was called) performed in the "square"; we went allllllll the way down The Strip to the brand spanky new "M" to check out their buffet... it was a little more expensive than we wanted, but the casino was very nice... it was what City Center wanted to be, I think.
We went to Boulder Station for the buffet there, and stuffed ourselves like pate geese.

I realize that doesn't sound like a lot, but time works differently when you're in Vegas.
You just keep going and going, then you'll go back to your room and collapse on the bed for a few hours before getting up to go back out and do it all again. This cycle repeats until your hotel tells you you're supposed to be out by 10 AM, or they'll need more money.

One thing I have noticed about Vegas, though, is the music, or, more accurately, the lack thereof.
Rap is running rampant, and the modern music fills in any gaps.
Now, every time we've been to Vegas, it's been 80's and 90's all the way... you know, stuff that isn't offensive, and folks still recognize it.
Oh, not the case.
The only place that had good music was the LOVE store.
But I'm biased.

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And then, we came back to the room, and missed our Internet.

Wednesday, was quite a busy day... or, at least, it felt like it.
Our first stop was Mandalay Bay, because we couldn't remember anything but the Shark Reef exhibit there.
We met with some locals while we were there...

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Hmmmmm... future black mail, peradventure?

Through the connecting tunnel, we headed to The Luxor, where we spent the majority of our day.
No, we don't really like The Luxor that much, you silly willy.

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As we were walking about, we saw a hand-written sign stating "Criss Angel will be performing at 1:00 PM Today", with a little caricature of the guy.
"Oh, this could be fun, let's find out more about it," say We Dummies.
We asked the ladies in the shop where the sign was located, and they said the event kicked off at 1:30.
"Oh, we'll only have to wait about an hour and a half, and we'll get to see a free show," say We Dummies.
So. We line up, and, after much bitching from everybody (and a Nutri-Grain Bar), we FINALLY get in the door... five hours later.
Due to the Something-Or-Other-Agreement I signed to get in the door, I can say no more.



By the time we got finished there, we didn't have time for much than to come back to the room and get ready to go to our evening show, Mark Savard's hypnosis show.
Now, I had never been to one of these types of things, but I was looking forward to it... it was the only show we had planned on going to as a family, and, besides the Fab Four Mania show the very first time we were in Vegas (that was the great Fake-George experience), it was the only other one we HAD seen together.
My Daddy, bless, could talk to a rock, so we got rather chummy with a very lovely couple from Canada while we were standing in line; not only did we sit next to them during the show, but the bloke was actually picked to be one of the twelve participants on stage...perhaps we were all biased, but we thought he was the best of the folks on stage.
Oh, and did I mention that, after four years of Vegas tourism, we FINALLY saw a midget Elvis impersonator?
I think I've finally lived a full life.
Over all, it was a really fun day, filled with a few experiences that we won't forget for quite a while.

And then, we came back to the room, and missed our Internet.


Thursday was an exciting day, because we knew we were going to LOVE!
I know, I know, I never said a word about it, who abducted me and said I couldn't peep a word, right?
Well, we didn't know we were going to go until we got to Vegas... and, well, our Internet has been FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE.
Anyway.
The show was just beautiful, as always; they've changed about 50% of the program, but they're all changes for the better, I think. The music, of course, stays the same, but the props, choreography, et al do change.
There were a lot fewer performers on stage (I think it's Viva Elvis, you know), but there's enough to keep my Beatles-ADD occupied. One of my favorite parts of the show, which was previously just an itty-bitty storyline, is now much bigger, so I was pleased about that.

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Yes, he's my favorite.

What else did we do?
We did Caesars in the morning...

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...and it certainly did take up the beginning of our day. It's always a favorite stop for us, and I don't know why we waited so long to actually DO Caesars (we had been there to pick up our cheesecake, of course), but we made it, and it was fun.
Lunch at one of my favorite places in Vegas, Ellis Island...

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PASTA MARINARA!

In the afternoon, we walked around the Wynn...

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...and the Encore...

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...and we had to go back to the LOVE store before the 7:30 show started ('cause it's not as busy then).
I left with another orange and yellow bag.
And then, we came back to the room, and missed our Internet.

Friday was our "loose ends" day, as it were... we had done everything we wanted to do, so it was a relaxing afternoon before the big drive back home.
We visited The Rio, went back to Greenburgs for another corned beef sandwich, and, something I have always wanted to do, we had dinner at the New York style pizzeria across from Greenburgs, Sirricos...

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...and I've got to say, it was scrum-diddle-dee-bumptious!
Needless to say, but we'll be back.
The entertainment in the bar across the "street", however, left something to be desired.
During one number, the lead singer thought he was Liam Gallagher, but he sounded more like a cross between Mick Jagger and Freddie Mercury... can we say bad cover?
Original, if you please...

Noel always looks so darn happy to be wherever he's at, don't you think?

And then, we came back to the room, and missed our Internet.

Overall, it's been one helluva week in one helluva city!
So much fun, in fact, that I had quite a few different titles for this incredibly long post.
Would you like to see them?
Are you nodding?
Oh, come on!

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Well, here they are, anyway... I liked them too much to keep them to myself.

"It's A Rotunda, Michael"
"Jeff Was Here"
"Dude Provisions : Pop-Tarts, Nutri-Grain Bars"
"Midget Elvis? Yeah, We've Seen Him"
"Peggy's Cove (It's Very Large)"
"Gorilla Suit Perv-o? Only In Vegas"
"It'll Be Another Half An Hour"

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Chris Harrison Season Is Coming!

I have made no secret that I LOVE to watch The Bachelor/Bachelorette. It's one of my favorite shows (that's right, kids, I have no standards!), and I look forward to each new season. Hell, I've already got our Bachelorette DVR timer set up for the season premier next Monday... needless to say, we're very big on the show here at Fusspot Farm.
So imagine my surprise when I find out about "The Bachelor : The Video Game".
That's right.
Clean off your glasses, pick your chin up off the floor, I'll wait.



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Have you stopped laughing yet?
M'kay, we'll continue.

The best part? This trailer for it...


Crazy, huh?

In other news, we found this little guy in our yard today...
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We don't know what kind of birdie he is, but he's awful pretty!


Got stuck in this mess yesterday...

We weren't on 152, we were on top of Big Blue... Daddy, Lilly, Stella, and Nigel were, though! Everybody's fine... just a bit of damage to my geraniums, but it's nothing they can't fix.


Fusspot Farm is all a'buzz for Vegas (just a few days left!), and how can I think of Vegas without thinking of this?

I love walking down The Strip, listening to a Beatles medley... it makes me happy.

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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Paging Dr. Noir

Our little jolly to Red River this weekend was oodles of fun... really swingin', man, fab gear and that.
A few highlights (stop moaning!)...

There were elk...
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The weather was just perfect...
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We even got snowed on!
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Overall, it was a loverly weekend!












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What, you didn't think that was all, did you?
You aren't so lucky as to just see a handful of holiday slides and the day be over... that ain't the way things work in these here parts, Pilgrim!
I mean, you're free to go whenever you please, but that's just rude, don't you think?

Ye of politeness, pull up an ice block and lend an ear!

Here are some things that have been running about my brainbucket of late.

We got a funeral home brochure in the post while we were away (because funeral homes have to send their brochures to the living/potential customers). I, being a slightly macabre, psychotic human, enjoy morbid things like funeral home brochures, so I had to read the whole bloody thing. Wait, no, that didn't come out right... never mind.
Point? This photo was in the brochure...
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My future funeral...

It makes me think of a song...

MOVING ON!

It's now time for another episode of...
YOU BE THE JUDGE!

My mother likes to watch The Tudors. You'd think that, what with my love affair with Great Britain, I'd watch it, too... I just never got a liking for it. The only thing I ever wanted to see on The Tudors was when Anne Boleyn got her head lopped off...

...which I was sorely disappointed in.
So, when I saw that the latest episode was being recorded, I decided we'd better watch something on our DVR while we had our dinner.
After we had finished our episode of "Are You Being Served?", the television was still on Showtime, or HBO, or whatever station The Tudors comes on. It was a different program, which I took no interest in, until I saw a familiar face; even in the little bitty viewing box at the top right corner of the DVR page, I knew who it was.
None other than Peter Facinelli, AKA Dr. Carlisle Cullen!
Except he didn't look like a vampire, obviously.
I'm used to seeing the whole chalky, supposed-to-be-dead look...
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Yeah, that's the guy!

But was instead greeted by this...
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What rock was I living under?

Which, in turn, reminded me of this...
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You be the judge.



As I was enjoying my Billy Joel collection this afternoon, looking at the album art, something suddenly occurred to me.
Doesn't the cover art for Paul's "All The Best" compilation...
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Look incredibly similar to the Billy Joel's Greatest Hits cover?
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You be the judge.

Today's psychoses were brought to you by...


Oh, and one more thing... child of the 90's out on a mission, so to speak; Sugar Ray DID do a song called Someday. There. I said it.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

How College Screwed Up My Day

This post is not to complain, but merely to tell you the psychotic story of how our little community college screwed up so damn badly, that I almost had a nervous breakdown.

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What dost thou mean, Tow-Headed Monkey?

Why, I shall tell you, Reginald Kitty.
My algebra final was due yesterday, by 10:00 PM.
I was told by the testing proctor that our testing center was open from 3:30 to 9:00 on Mondays, so I figured I was pretty safe, so far as the time was concerned.
I studied my arse off all week, went in at 6:00 yesterday evening, and took my final.
I was just doing my final check over at around five minutes to eight, when Mrs. Lady says to me, "You do know that the testing center closes at 8 o'clock, right?"
Ba-whutza?
"No, Ma'am, I was told you closed at 9 o'clock," I replied, politely.
"Well, do you mind if I go heat up my TV dinner? I was going to eat it when I got home, but..."
"That shouldn't be necessary, I'll be finished in a few minutes," I interrupt her, mid-spiel.
She sits, flipping through a shoe catalog as I hurriedly make sure all of the algebra evil is as good as I can make it.
Ten minutes later, I hand her my final, reminding her for the third time that it was due in by 10:00 that night.
"Don't worry, I'll do it right now, before I go home," she says to me, taking the staples out of the papers.
I tidy up my work area (there was a lot of litter from the eraser), gather my pencils (they're so extravagant here, let me tell you... if you don't bring your own, you're screwed), and prepare to leave. I purposefully do this as slowly as possible.
I run into Mrs. Lady in the hallway; she still has my exam in her hand, as she says, "I need to get that fax number out of the filing cabinet, you have a good night, now!"
"I'm sorry I kept you so late, Mrs. Lady, thanks so much, you, too."
As I left, I turned around to make sure she was doing her job. Yes, there she was, at the filing cabinet, getting the fax number. Just short of standing over her shoulder, I was quite confident that my final would be in by 10:00.

This morning, at 10:00 AM, ironically, I receive a call from Mrs. Lady.
The conversation went something like this...
Mrs. Lady : I reread the instructions for your final, and I need to send in the mid-term exam that you took home, as well as the final.
Me : Oh, I can drop that off within the hour, Mrs. Lady. You did go ahead and fax in my final, didn't you?
Mrs. L : No.
Me : ...............

I immediately send an e-mail to my instructor, and off I went to the college, prepared for a huge fight, and possibly loss of jobs, here. Hey, if I'm going down, I'm taking folks with me.
I had the hootspa to actually tell Mrs. Lady that my instructor, whom I shall refer to as Queen Bitch, has been incredibly unreasonable the entire semester, that she has been very rude to me, personally, she is so strict about her own rules that she cannot even follow them, and that Mrs. Lady's mistake had better not screw my grade, or I'm effed.
I stayed with Mrs. Lady as she tried to phone Queen Bitch. No answer, just a machine.
I give her QB's home phone number, which she doesn't even try... she can see I'm not going to leave without confirmation at this point, so she goes to her higher ups (to whom I also had the hootspa to say that QB was an unreasonable tit).
As Mrs. New Lady tries QB's home phone, Mrs. Lady goes to write an e-mail to QB.
Five minutes later, I'm told that this will not mess up my grade, and that the college takes full responsibility for an issue that was out of my control.

Fast forward to 10:15 tonight.
In response to the e-mail I sent to QB, which went something like this (names have been changed to protect the ignorant)...

Dear Queen Bitch,

I have just received a call from my testing proctor, Mrs. Immogene Lady, at the Moore County campus, telling me that she had not faxed in my final exam as of 10:00 this morning.
I had repeatedly told her that it was due in by 10:00 PM May 10th, and I handed in my copy of the final examination at 8:05 PM last night, telling Mrs. Lady that it was due by 10:00 PM.
I am sending this note in addition to an e-mail from Mrs. Lady herself, explaining the situation.
I hope this mix-up does not affect my final grade, as this issue was beyond my control, and I did everything within my power to make sure your rules were followed to the letter.

Regards,
Archibald Heatherington Nastyface


I am granted an audience with Queen Bitch herself in the form of a very rare response to my letter, which went like this...

Everything is fine so relax. I am not finding page 3 of your test though, but do not panic. I will call her in the morning and get her to send it to me. She has probably already sent the hard copy through campus mail and I will probably get it tomorrow.
Queen Bitch



The moral of this story?
Algebra will kill you. So will algebra teachers.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Elvis On The Ocean With Geraniums? Fat Chance!

I'm going to make this long story short, for your pleasure, and mine.
We had planned to go to Galveston later on this month with Daddy's mother and brother. Despite my dislike of the beach, I had planned on spending the week like this...


Plans have changed.
We will not be going to Galveston.
But wait! It gets BETTER!
We also won't be going anywhere with Daddy's mother and brother.
But WAIT! It gets EVEN BETTER.
You notice I said we wouldn't be going to Galveston, and we wouldn't be going anywhere with Daddy's mother and brother...
We shall be spending a week in VEGAS instead.
On our own.

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Amen.

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Needless to say, the lad and lasses at Fusspot Farm are INCREDIBLY EXCITED about this latest development!
So much so, I had to blog about it.
And now I have.

ON TO OTHER FUNSIES!
This headline speaks for itself, I think...
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Did you laugh? See ya in hell!

And now, a word on proper geranium fertilization.

This is an unfertilized Candy Cane ivy geranium bloom...
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...and this is a properly fertilized one.
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They are currently on the same plant.
So, yes, proper fertilization is VERY important.
End of lesson.

SONG TIME!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Sweet, Sweet Serenade...

The topics on this blog have been getting rather heavy and dull, don't you think?
Why don't we brighten it up with, oh, I don't know, a singing unicorn?

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What is this lunacy of which you speak, Monkey?

Why, I shall tell you, Reginald Kitty.

I shan't say how I came across this, for it takes too much explanation to keep all of us comfortable in our cushy office chairs, or wherever you happen to be seated (for the laptop generation can go wherever it wants, really), but the Serenading Unicorn was a MUST see. Hell, if you saw something that said "Serenading Unicorn", you would click it, wouldn't you?
To keep this "spoiler free" ('cause you really care if the Serenading Unicorn is spoiler free, don't you?), I shall only say that I LOVED the Michael Bolton video, though I strongly suggest that you view all three... and, maybe, send one to somebody you wish to give a giggle to. I know the lasses of Fusspot Farm got quite a chuckle out of them!

You say you would like to see some other oddities from around the netty-web?
Oh, suit yourself. I'm going to do it anyway.
MORE GOOFY ADVERTISING!

This one creeps me out a little bit...
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...then again, it also reminds me of something...
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YOU BE THE JUDGE.

Even I'M better with numbers than these people...
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..and you know what? 100% of women will also DIE in their lifetimes. Isn't THAT one helluva statistic?

I know that the "prize" is two $100 gift certificates, but still...
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...don't you think it's a little sketchy to have "What You Stole From Your Mom" printed over scattered $100 bills? Am I alone in this one?

But this little gem from MSNBC.com has to be my favorite...
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How dumb do these people think we are?

SONG TIME!
Been singing this song for days, so I figured I shouldn't be alone.
You can thank me later.

America, WTF Is Going ON?

I'm a current events freak. That goes without saying... I caught the news bug during the 2000 election, and I've been slightly psychotic about keeping up with daily happenings ever since.
I'm also a staunch Conservative... again, no surprise there. My pet peeve is not the economy, or the education system (though I have issues with each of those topics, to be discussed later)... it's illegal immigration. From the information I've given you, you'll probably guess my stand on the issue.
Part of the American spirit is to get passionate about our politics and the problems of the day, and this is going to be one of those posts.

I went to do my morning news check, as usual, when I spot the headline "Students Kicked Off Campus for Wearing American Flag Tees" Go ahead, read the article, I'll wait.


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Did you read it?
Are you angry yet?
Heaven knows I was, and still am.

There are just too many problems to discuss with this incident. You know, like, you should be able to wear the American flag on whatever effing day of the year you want, because this is America, and we can. Or, you know, Mexicans living in America shouldn't be offended by someone wearing OUR nation's colors, or wearing OUR nation's flag on a supposed "Mexican holiday", because this is AMERICA, and WE CAN.
Or that people are too ruddy politically correct, and that we should all pull the sticks out of our arses. Yes, much too much to get into here.
The most I can say is that we need to get fresh blood in DC, take back what's ours, and tell everybody else to stuff it.
Where's Patrick Henry when you need him?

End of spiel.

Is It A Subscription Box, Or Something More Sinister? (It's A Subscription Box. Maybe.)