Monday, March 14, 2011

Dear Chris Harrison...

As I was planning this post in my head, it immediately came to me in the form of a letter; I liked the idea, so I ran with it. This is how it turned out.

Dear Chris Harrison (may I call you Chris Harrison? Everyone else does; but, you may notice, they never just call you Chris. Always Chris Harrison. Like Charlie Brown),
Another Bachelor Monday has wrapped itself up; not just any Bachelor Monday, either, but the FINAL ROSE Bachelor Monday. We all know that also means that the new Bachelorette will be announced.
After watching the announcement, I was instantly compelled to write this, so I rushed over to my computer as soon as Jimmy Kimmel cut to commercial break; now, when I say "as soon as", I mean, they're still on commercial break. They, quite literally,
just announced this.
That's why I'm here, Chris Harrison.
I am here to ask what everyone else in the Bachelor Universe is going to be asking around that Tuesday Morning cup of coffee: what in ruddy hell is
wrong with you, Chris Harrison?
I don't know if you've read some of the fan reactions to Ashley The Dentist; I mean, I would assume you have, since you're Executive Producer/Host Extraordinaire/Behind The Scenes Blogger. In case you haven't, I'll just briefly summarize the general reactions, according to what I have read online, coupled with my own opinion: we don't like her, Chris Harrison. Not twelve weeks worth of "please, shut up, girl", "oh, such a fun-fun-fun Bachelorette!", or any other stupid phrases we may come up with in the course of this upcoming eighth season.
I must be honest, Chris Harrison (and I realize that my opinion means little, since we all know this franchise has its hooks in deep with its audience), I'm feeling a little screwed over.
The launch of Bachelor Pad last summer (and, let's be honest, the upcoming second season) was excusable; it rather brought the caliber of the whole Bachelor franchise down a notch, but trashy reality television is always a sell.
The announcement of Brad Womack as the Bachelor was a real blow. I went into the season half-heartedly, and - I, a massive Bachelor fan from the very beginning, will openly admit this - I was not riveted. "Womack: Part Two", though not a repeat of his previous season, was no more interesting than his first (which, I will point out, was not one of my favorites), and, perhaps you will agree, the ratings showed it. Nearly two million less people tuned in to this season than the previous seasons.
Still, it was a new concept for the show, so it can be excused.
This one, however, I'm having a harder time dealing with.
I have disliked Ashley from the very moment that she introduced herself as the peppy dentist in her intro; from what I gather, the rest of the audience is with me.
Will it keep those of us who are quite unhappy with this latest Bachelorette announcement from watching? Of course not!
It just prompts the question of "what the hell are you thinking, dude?"
Oh, and, uh, just one more thing: what the hell have you done to your hair, man?
I mean, maybe it's just because we BARELY saw you on this season of The Bachelor, but I noticed the change during the Women Tell All special last week.
From many, many years of watching (yes, way back in the Designer's Challenge days), I can honestly say you don't need it. Just let it go, man.

At any rate, good luck, sir; I think you'll have your work cut out for you with this season, but, as always, we'll all be watching.

All the best,

P.S. Please, for the love of GOD, make Ed the next Bachelor. That's all I ask. If you do, I won't ever complain about your franchise ever again. Ever. Come on, at least consider it.
RATINGS, Chris Harrison, RATINGS.

I mean, really. If the Bachelor hasn't already screwed us over enough over the last year, we now are dealing with this...

This is the intro I was talking about in the "letter". Rarely will I instantly dislike somebody... another time was with this guy, but that's another story entirely.

Needless to say, Bachelor Monday ended on a very, very down note at Fusspot Farm.

Second of all, seriously, what the monkey hell did Chris Harrison do to his hair?

As the kids say now, WTF?

You be the judge.
Reginald Kitty is not amused.

And, last, but certainly not least, please, make Ed the next Bachelor.
This video alone is not enough.

No, dear, this is a nerdgasm...

Before I make any further an ass of myself, let's have a song!

I can never resist making an ass of myself. Two years of blogging, and I'll bet you never pieced that one together.

Oh, and as an aside... Blogger spell check does not recognize "nerdgasm" as a word?
Really, Google?

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