There is no secret that I have this unidentifiable "thing" against Justin Bieber.
Is it, perhaps, that he is the current image for that wretched teeny-bopper "music" (and I use that term loosely)? Is it that, everywhere I go, I see young chaps flipping that ridiculous hairstyle our of their eyes? Do I find it incredibly creepy that he's just three years my junior, and my voice is lower than his? Does it tie back to that general lack of fascination with Canadians? Is is simply because I don't know whether it's Beeb-er, or By-ber?
I don't know. I don't care.
Imagine, then, my surprise this evening, when I look across our partners desk to find my mother laughing and shaking her head. Never one to miss the opportunity to laugh, I asked her what was so funny.
"You can tell Justin Bieber is just sixteen," she said.
"Why?" I asked, trying to keep from getting the collywobbles as it occurs to me that he's just three years younger than myself.
"He thanked Michael Jackson in some acceptance speech," she says.
I flipped my laptop lid down, and gave her a vacant, blink-less stare (I'm famous in our family for my vacant, blink-less stare) for a good fifteen or twenty seconds, and continue about my business.
That's when it started to fester.
I know that a good portion of the world doesn't think of Michael Jackson as a music stealing paedophile, and they can objectively admire his work.
It got me to thinking of how many other people should have been thanked before Michael Jackson.
It also got me wondering why he won an American Music Award... you know, since he's Canadian.
In the evolution of music, Rock and Roll changed the scene forever. There were, of course, popular mediums prior to rock; classical, jazz, country, big band, crooners, just to name a few of the more referenced styles in the last sixty or so years.
If we look, however, at how "current", "modern" - or whatever label you chose to put on the hip sound - music has changed in that same time period, we have to examine the key players.
Elvis. Where do we begin, but merely to say Elvis?
Chuck Berry, anyone?
What about my first musical love, Buddy Holly?
I always wondered why my sister played more Ricky Nelson than Buddy, but, it's all down to personal preference.
How about some guys that were big at the same time as Michael Jackson?
Billy Joel, peradventure?
You will sing this for days, and, perhaps, dance when no one is watching you. It's OK, it's just a side effect of awesomeness.
Along that same line, perhaps my second musical love, Elton John?
Not quite convinced?
What about my greatest musical love, The Beatles?
Dig that base line, eh?
And that's just for starters. That's just the evolution of music.
What about pop? Who has he to thank from the FM dial, hmmm? Let's look at, say, the last twenty years.
Maybe the New Kids On The Block?
What about N*SYNC?
And the countless others that paved the way for his naive little arse.
Now, for "blog research", I had to actually go and listen to some of Justin Bieber's material...
I found this to be a very unpleasant experience.
1) I am, apparently, eighty years old, and must understand every word that is being sung.
2) All of the problems I stated at the beginning of this post.
3) I just don't like it. I can't force it, I can't do it naturally, it ain't happenin'.
All in all, I think I'm scarred for life, now.
Though, it brings to mind something I read on My Life Is Average:
Today I realized that growing up in the 90s, there were probably teenagers who had the same opinion of the backstreet boys and n*sync that we do of Justin Bieber. MLIA.
See? I am not alone.
Reginald Kitty is not alone, either.
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