Sunday, August 8, 2010

Looks Like I Ate The Chicken With My Glasses...


Yes, I was conducting band research, what's your point?

I couldn't help thinking of this little clip as I wrote this post. The clip, coupled with a picture (to follow shortly, should you care to see it), really got my bloggy senses to tingling again.
It's rather funny, actually; I say "I feel a blog coming on", and people know to clear off for a few hours while I put on my Snark Cap, and use my awesometastic Google Images skills.
This is what happens when my mind is left to wander, so hang in there, we'll find a point somewhere around here.
Are you ready?

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I guess I started in on my own "look" earlier than most kids, if only because I was afforded the opportunity to discover who I was/am (as this post will show, I've never ruddy changed) without being trodden on by unimportant opinions from my peers (those bastards).
That being said, extreme light sensitivity runs in our family (I promise, there is a tie in, here); my maternal grandmother wore sunglasses, my mother wears sunglasses (ironically, MG's children and grandchildren wear sleeping masks out of sheer necessity), so it wasn't long before I continued the tradition of wearing sunglasses every time I stepped out the door.
Over the years, my glasses have become a trademark of mine, so to say. It took a while to get exactly what I wanted, and here's that story, should you care to read it.
When I was six years old, I found a pair of sunglasses just like Ralphie's in A Christmas Story. (Watch the clip. You'll thank me later.)
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I wore those for so long, I had to buy about three more pair (that, and, when you're six years old, you're a little harder on glasses than you should be... crushed in coat pockets, scratched and scuffed, et al).
That is, until I discovered the Jackie O./Audrey Hepburn glasses (about age eight).
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I had these for a few years, and really liked them.
Then, one day, I discovered the wonders of the cat glasses.
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No, not like these.

And I've worn them ever since.

My first pair were very large, simple - what I would call 'dirt basic' - frames.
Oh, but I loved them.
They were very hard to find, though, and I actually broke both pair, forcing me back to the Jackie/Audrey glasses for a time.
Why just for a time?
I found a wonderful costume pair of cats, with rhinestones on the wingtips (yeah, believe it) at a Halloween shop, and actually thought ahead, shock of the year, buying two pair.
That year for Christmas, I got that same style in different colors (white, pink, red, black, checked), and, after that, continued to collect various off-the-rack cat glasses whenever I found them.
A few Christmases later, my sister gave me my magnum opus (non-prescription) glasses; the entire frame was encrusted with black and white rhinestones.
Just when those were on the verge of collapse, I discovered I was near-sighted (thanks again, maternal grandmother!), and gave them up for my prescription vintage glasses, which I've had for about three years now.
They are my favorite glasses in the whole wide world (besides the pair that aren't tinted, of course, 'cause I need real glasses, too), but, since they're older than my dad, the hinges are a little testy, and I'm always afraid they're going to break.
Needless to say, I'm constantly on the hunt for glasses (unfortunately, so is the whole underground vintage community, who are willing to fork over large sums of money to scoop up effing awesome specs).
That being said, I have recently discovered that there's some kind of misconception about cat glasses.
Get ready, 'cause this was the picture you read about at the beginning of this absurd post.
You see these?
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THESE ARE NOT CAT GLASSES.
This was the 80's getting sick on a vintage approximation of Jetsons-esque "style".
You know, just in case you were confused, or something like that.
As I understand it, the hip cats are sporting these under the guise that they're somehow related to the superior vintage originals.
Let me tell you something, Chicken, they've got it all wrong... they aren't even second cousins, twice removed.

That being said, what could we call these new frames instead of using this improper term?
After careful consideration, the best I can come up with would be to call 'em Squares. I realize that, technically, they aren't actually square, but at least that's a name that hasn't been taken!
Hell, as long as they give them a proper name, they can call 'em Philip, so far as I care.

I can't believe this is the only clip of this I can find on YouTube... come on, kids, we're the YouTube generation! Get working, you ruddy layabouts!


If you want some great examples of real cat glasses, give this video a look (though, it's ten and a half minutes long, so I don't blame you if you don't watch the whole bloody thing)... not all of them are cats, but most of them are.


And now, a word from my Main Man...


Oh, and here's some chicken.
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